Fun with Raptors

The word Velociraptor translates to "speedy thief” in Latin so make sure you lock up your treats, namely chocolate and especially coffee. Theres nothing worse than a “twitchy” raptor.   

All raptors have a sickle-shaped claw on the second toe of each foot that will tear the stuffing right out of your favorite sofa. Be prepared to go through a few “sets" of furniture before your raptor is trained properly. 

Raptor tails are made of fused bones so expect broken lamps and vases when playing fetch in the house. Better to keep fetch games contained to the back yard.  If you leave them unattended in your fenced in backyard for god sakes…cut the grass. We all know what happens when they get in long grass. 

If your an apartment dweller raptors are about 3 feet tall and weight about 35 pounds so make sure you check your lease for pet size guidelines. Destruction of carpet and hardwood floors may raise hell on your security deposit. Their high pitched whistles and grunt noises may also cause your neighbors to wonder what you are up to. 

Make sure all your cabinets and doors lock in the kitchen. Raptors are very intelligent due to the large size of their brain relative to their body. Not only can they open locks and turn door handles but they are pack animals so they like to work together if you own more than one. Raptors can easily chew through your freezer to get to delicious frozen meats. Invest in a steel plated fridge or see if your neighbors will store your food for you. 

Raptors can jump 30 feet straight up. Fun for tricks, but not so great for ceiling fans. 

This also makes baby gates useless so you will have no choice but to leave them free run of your whole house.

Raptors don’t need much water but the may still drink from the toilet. Use a baby-proofing mechanism on the lid to keep it shut. Alternatively, consider removing your toilet completely.

You Raptor may want to go for long runs, so make sure you have a strong leash. Carbon fiber is popular but still proceed with caution. Parks and sidewalks are full of distractions and potential meals. They tend to be “bitey” with strangers so muzzles are an option.You may notice THEY are taking YOU for a walk.  

Scratching posts to keep their nails short are a must. Clipping their nails by hand is NOT recommended. For dental hygiene mint flavored chew toys are preffered over trying to brush by hand as they can get feisty when held down.

Polychromos color pencil on strathmore toned paper.